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Willie Award Winning Actor Remembers Roots

2012-02-05T17:16:00.000-05:00

My mom found an old acceptance speech I wrote in 7th grade for a play I acted in for English class. Our play ended up winning 4 out of the 6 Willie Awards given out per class, and I personally was nominated and awarded the Willie (a gold spray painted toy army soldier glued onto a wood base) for Best Supporting Actor in the riveting, ground breaking portrayal of a bank robber thwarting, cross dressing young Herman Munster. Here is that speech, in its entirety, rewritten intentionally with original spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. Even back then I was just so modest.

First off I would like to thank you guys for supporting me my whole career. You guys are just great. Second I'd like to give a shot out to my homies in the ghetto for watching my back and keeping me cool. I'd also like to thank all the great comedians that helped me through my career like Jim Carey, Adam Sandler, Chris Tucker, and let's all have a ~~minute~~ moment of silence for the great Chris Farley... Well enough of those bozos more about me. This award is the greatest that's happened to me since I got my first allowance. This is going in the trophy case with all the other Grammys, Acedemys, People's Choice, um, Nobel Peace Prices etc. Again I'd like to thank all you suckas out there that didn't get the award haha. Worse luck next time. I know I'm the greatest and I deserved this. Since the first grade I dreamt about this moment, I knew it would come. Since I starred in my first christmas pageant I knew I would reciev this. (start crying) Oh excuse me. I'm just so choked up in the moment. I'd also like to thank the bozos of the cast, but enough about them I'm the real one that should be thanked. If it weren't for me this play would be down in the gutter. But I carried this play to the best of all the 7th grade. Also I'd like to thank the losers for losing so I could win because I really deserve this award more than any of you suckers.

Morale: 50%

2012-01-25T13:54:00.002-05:00

Bangarang

2012-01-18T13:49:00.000-05:00

I'd like a full crew to wild out with while bumping this song on full blast.

Where the Heart Is

2012-01-18T13:41:00.000-05:00

I miss these two places the most in the world.

Top Ten Hip Hop albums of 2011

2012-01-12T00:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not really gonna preface this list with anything, except this preface that you're reading right now. 2011 saw some amazing hip hop albums. 'Nough said. We'll start with honorable mentions.

Pac Div - The Div I loved this album. It was everything I was hoping Pac Div would sound like when they finally put one out. It didn't get enough spins from when it came out til now, which is probably the only reason it didn't crack the top 10.

Cunninlynguists - Oneirology Same goes for this album. I'd never listened to these dudes until a week ago, but I promise if they had more spins this would be in the top 5 for sure. Just some lyrical, socially aware rappers with some of the most unique backing beats I've ever heard on an album. The Freddie Gibbs and Big K.R.I.T. assisted tracks are super nice too.

Eminem and Royce da 5'9" - Bad Meets Evil: Hell the Sequel
Royce da 5'9" - Success is Certain
Both of these albums were extremely solid. Shady is clearly the most gifted mc alive right now, but you wouldn't notice it, especially the way Royce handles his own on their duet album. His solo album is equally as awesome, if not even a little bit better in my opinion.

10. Game - R.E.D. Album

Say what you wanna say about Game and his ridiculous antics, from instigating rapper beefs to name dropping every mc in the game in one song, but dude can rap. When he focuses his energy on making music and forgets about the bullshit, Game has the potential to be one of my favorites. This album had amazing production, amazing guest features, and some super solid west coast gangsta ass songs. If only he could just be normal, people wouldn't hate so hard.
Best Songs: "Good Girls Go Bad", "Ricky", "Born in the Trap", "Mama Knows"

9. The Roots - Undun

This album was just way too smart for me. Its a masterpiece aurally. And lyrically. The only reason it isn't higher on the list is that I haven't had enough time to dive into the layers on layers on layers that it possesses. It's like a damn Radiohead album in hip hop form really. Which is the highest compliment coming from me.
Best Songs: "Make My", "One Time", "Kool On"

8. Wale - Ambition

To be honest this album was kind of a letdown. Wale and the MMG crew completely killed the game with their compilation album, and propelled Wale in particular into the spotlight of one of the best in the contemporary game. So with Ambition coming out shortly after, it was expected to carry on tradition, which it did, kind of, just not entirely. I was expecting him to Mike Jordan the game. His rhymes were on par, as always, its his songmanship that is lacking. I talk like it isn't no. 8 on my list though, its just I was hoping for more.
Best Songs: "Don't Hold Your Applause", "Ambition", "DC or Nothing"

7. Doomtree - No Kings

This was exactly what I was hoping and looking for in a Doomtree album. No other outfit in hip hop has paved a lane like this crew. Completely unique beats, flows, and lyrics, from every single member. These are the people I go to when I hate the world and need a pick up. They all seem to somehow know what my soul needs.
Best Songs: are you kidding me? all of them. but "Bangarang" and "The Grand Experiment" to be specific.

6. Jay-Z & Kanye West - Watch the Throne

I mean what can I say about this album that hasn't already been said about 300 times everywhere else. Luxury, boastful rap at its finest, but layered with honesty, candor and emotion if you know where to look for it. If Hemingway and Faulkner were rappers, this would be what their album would sound like. No one is fucking with Kanye's beats though. And that's the difference between this album being great as opposed to just really good.
Best Songs: as if you don't already know... "No Church in the Wild", "Otis", "Welcome to the Jungle", "Who Gon Stop Me Now" bah who am I kidding, they're all good

5. Hail Mary Mallon - Are You Gonna Eat That?

This album came out of nowhere. I had been waiting on an Aesop Rock disc for like 4 years until this little gem fell into my lap midsummer. I was a little wary about this Rob Sonic character as the co-emcee but was pleasantly surprised when his flow, rhymes and even voice inflection were pretty much identical to Aesop's with only a slight difference. I don't always know what they're talking about all the time, but that's fine, avant-rap has a small place in my heart too.
Best Songs: "Church Pants", "Meter Feeder", "Plagues and Bacon"

4. Big Sean - Finally Famous

Mixtape Big Sean fans have been waiting for this album since he said it was mere months away about 3 years ago. Its always great to discover artists right when they start getting noticed because you can track their progression from project to project. Finally Famous the album blew my socks right off my feet as far as progression goes. Big Sean has been the king of materialist and fashion raps since he emerged on G.O.O.D. music, and he still is, but it was refreshing to see him cover some other topics on this album as well. And over No I.D. and Pharrell beats? Too good.
Best Songs" "I Do It", "High", "Live this Life", "!00 Keys", "I Don't Think They Want It"

3. J. Cole - Cole World: The Sideline Story

When rumors started coming out this album would be a hip hop classic I wasn't surprised. 1. because you gotta get the hype machine going to sell records but mostly 2. because J. Cole's mixtapes and singles have been fire since he first emerged a couple years ago. He sums it all up perfectly on his own when he raps "I got the nerds rappin' hard shit/ dummies rappin' smart shit/ Mozart meets Humphrey Bogart with this from the heart shit." He is every rapper rolled into one, backpack, hipster, conscious, gangsta, womanizer, and everything inbetween. There is literally a song on this album for every single person. I happened to love all of them.
Best Songs: "Dollar and a Dream III", "Can't Get Enough", "Rise and Shine" "Workout"

2. Big K.R.I.T. - Return of 4eva

This album is just on another level. If you love ignorant southern rap, there's a couple tracks for you, if you love positive hip hop, there are lots of tracks for you, if you love weed rap, he's got it, passionate come up stories, check, trunk rattlers, check, oh and did I mention he makes his own beats? Since his emergence a year ago, he has put out an acclaimed mixtape, and this mixtape/album/whatever it is, and is suddenly producing tracks for every rapper out there. He's like the Kanye West of the south, without the ego. My words are inadequate at describing just how much better he is at rapping and producing than everyone else.
Best Songs: "Rise and Shine", "Dreaming", "Rotation" "Highs and Lows"

1. Kendrick Lamar - Section.80

If you haven't heard me talk about K. Dot, then its very obvious that you and I have never met, and you somehow happened upon my blog by accident. This album is a musical juggernaut in every way imaginable. I'm at quite a loss for words to describe just how good it is, mostly because it's beyond words. Most of the songs carry messages about troubled youth, and the ills of 21st century society, but he is somehow able to flip it into positivity, and miraculously, into music that people actually wanna listen to. Alot. Over and over and over again. I predict a major shift in hip hop and pop music away from just materialism and hedonism in the next couple years, mainly because Kendrick has perfectly balanced the line between having a message and making songs people actually wanna hear. He is doing what Lupe has been doing, but better. Be on the lookout for him to take the spotlight this year, and probably sell alot of records. Tupac but better.
Best Songs: "A.D.H.D." "Ronald Reagan Era" "Rigamortis" and all of the other ones

Top 10 Mixtapes of 2011

2012-01-11T17:01:00.001-05:00

Its that time of year again, when every single person, critic or otherwise, rolls out their top 10 favorite/best something or other for that year. I am no different. We'll start things off with my top 10 favorite mixtapes. I had about 40 to choose from, and the competition was pretty stiff, and 365 days is a long time for me to listen to anything, but I tried to be fair to the artists that put out music in the first half of the year. We'll start things off with some honorable mentions that seriously broke my heart they couldn't be in the top 10.

Honorable Mentions:
Trademark Da Skydiver & Young Roddy - Jet Life to the Next Life
Pusha T - Fear of God
Phil Ade - A Different World
Schoolboy Q - SetBacks
Freddie Gibbs - Cold Day in Hell
The ILLZ - Illzsential
Ab-Soul - Longterm Mentality

10. Kidz in the Hall - Semester Abroad

This mixtape was just solid all the way through. The features, the beats, the raps, etc. Just great windows down music. It was a solid bounce back for the Kidz after their miserable showing of Land of Make Believe.
Best Song: "So Amazn' "

9. Aleon Craft - Craft Singles

This project wasn't even fair for me, as I am the biggest sucker for mc's rapping on hipster songs. Aleon Craft is a solid ATL mc that has a great ear for beats to rap on. Feel good music.
Best Song: "Broken Paradise" "Cameras"

8. Mac Miller - Best Day Ever

If the year would've ended 6 months ago, this probably would've been on top of the list. It was definitely a step up from K.I.D.S. as far as rhyming and beats go. It's just vintage Mac really.
Best Song: "All Around the World", "BDE Bonus"

7. A$AP Rocky - LiveLoveA$AP

This guy took me by major surprise. I held out listening to this tape until about a month or two ago, but once I did, I couldn't stop. If UGK, Bone Thugs n Harmony and Cam'ron all added their DNA to a super rapping baby, Rocky would be that baby. He's got slow, medium and fast flows on lock, and the most syrupy, purple beats I've ever heard. He's more Houston than Houston rappers are.
Best Song: "Peso", "Trilla" and "Out of this World"

6. STS - Demand More II & Demand More II G.O.L.D. Edition

As far as newcomers go, STS is definitely my favorite this year. I discovered him from the Money Making Jam Boys mixtape (#3 on this list) and a few Roots tracks. His nasally pitch is quite unique to hip hop, as is his breathless flow and speedy, yet lyrical delivery. Be on the lookout for more STS this year.
Best Song: "The People", "I Am the A", "Atlanta"

5. Curren$y - Covert Coup

Spitta has been one of my favorite artists since I first got into him in like '07. This year he seemed to have lost his edge a little bit, with a mediocre album, and a few so-so mixtapes. This tape, however, still gets some run on my playlists, 8 months after it first came out. With legendary producer Alchemist at the helm, weed raps never sounded so good.
Best Song: "Scottie Pippens", "Full Metal"

4. Asher Roth - Pabst & Jazz

Damn, every time Asher comes out with something new, mixtape or album, it always blows my mind. I have always been under the impression that white boy rappers have to seriously step up their game lyrically to even make a dent in the hip hop game. Eminem paved the way, and Asher follows right in line, with dense, witty, and comical lines about anything and everything. The beats are great, and so are the many impressive guest spots. Words can't really describe his awesomeness on this tape.
Best Song: Yea right, they're all freaking good. But if I had to choose... "More Cowbell", "Bastermating", "Hard Times", "Charlie Chaplin"

3. Money Making Jam Boys - 10 Deep Presents: The Prestige: Jam Boy Magic

This mixtape, man. It pretty much blew the hinges off anything else in the game lyrically. MMJB are the Philadelphia version of Slaughterhouse, except better somehow. Imagine 5 sick lyricists on one team, except competing against each other for dominance on every single track. Its like the all star game really. And with Black Thought (mc for the Roots) as the leader, this group only has the most potential.
Best Song: "500 Horses", "Tear it Down", "Judgement Day"

2. Pac Div - Mania!

I've been following Pac Div for quite awhile, and every single mixtape, and finally album, gets better than the last. Mania! is no different. They have definitely paved their own lane, with original sounding beats, and 3 very gifted, but fun loving mc's. They are by far my favorite group in hip hop right now, just keeping things light-hearted and fun but not simple by any means. Underground and poppy and mainstream all in one. If you haven't heard them, do yourself a favor and change that. Words can't really describe how sweet they are.
Best Songs: "The Mirror", "Take Me High", "Somethin"

1. Lupe Fiasco - Friend of the People

Come on, its not even fair. Of course a Lupe mixtape is gonna be my #1. When he doesn't have to worry about his label and selling records and being a sellout and focuses completely on making music with his own message, he is absolutely unstoppable. Politically and socially he is pretty much right on par with where I'm at, and somehow he is able to better articulate these feelings in song form than I am with just words. This mixtape is probably my second favorite of all time. Second only to his first mixtape in this series Enemy of the State. Damn dude, I would pay more money for these tapes then his last album for sure. Definitely anticipating Food and Liquor 2 though.
Thanks for reading this self masturbatory list of my favorite mixtapes of the year. Be on the lookout for top hip hop albums, non hip hop albums, and if I'm feeling insanely ambitious, 25 or 50 favorite songs of 2011. Peace y'all.

Life

2011-12-29T12:21:00.000-05:00

It doesn't get better then a 2 o' clock therapy/philosophy session in a hot tub with some of your favorite dudes in their undies smoking cigs and drinking beers under a crisp, sparkling December night sky.

Merry NBA Season

2011-12-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

Pabst & Jazz

2011-12-21T02:00:00.000-05:00

Terri

2011-12-09T01:28:00.000-05:00

"Life's a mess dude, but we're all just doing the best we can. You know? You and me and Samantha. We're just doing what we can. So if I hurt you or if I lied to you, all I can tell you is I'm sorry, and I will try to do better. Maybe I will do better, or maybe I'll do even worse, I don't know. I screw up all the time, cus that's what people do. You know?"

2011-12-07T01:48:00.001-05:00

"I say this all the time but music is never damn loud enough."

2011-12-04T20:46:00.000-05:00

"F@#k you if you only listen to music on your laptop speakers."

2011-12-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

Hands up if you're broken but find a way to stand up.
Give it up if you're hopin' and never givin' up.

2011-12-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

I would like an old convertible, a cute babe and a weird nose so I can do everything in this video.

Letter to a dear friend

2011-11-24T04:00:00.000-05:00

Dearest You,
We hung out tonight. Kind of, I guess. If you still read this, you know who you are already. We used to be close. (In the sense that people can get to know each other pretty well in a quick-short amount of time.) Way good friends, at least to me. Someone that I cared about even when I was gone far away, or at least I tried to.
I'm not really sure what happened, but I guess people fall apart, like sand castles after too many waves from the sea. Physical miles create emotional miles and so on, or so it goes. Out of sight, out of mind, and all the other cliches that go along with this type of thing. Either way, I couldn't be more repulsed by what our friendship has become now, as if something great has turned to nothing. The remedy is your guess as good as it is mine, but maybe it's just that friendships are fleeting. Maybe some things aren't meant to last. Either way, it makes me feel about the same as when I lost an essential piece of a Shredder action figure down the bath tub drain; miserable and lost, and with a new found sense that nothing gold can stay. I dunno, maybe this is the least I can do. Maybe I could make a better move to amend broken ties. Then again, fuck it, maybe not.

2011-11-17T19:34:00.000-05:00

Love you.
Jhené Aiko - In Love We Trust (ft. Casey Veggies) by pbrxb

Villains

2011-11-03T11:06:00.002-04:00

2011-10-28T21:11:00.000-04:00

And right when it was needed most, Common comes through with a fucking awesome video to save my day. Sorry for not keeping it posi folks, but sometimes people just gotta vent. I'm back though.

Dear 2011,

2011-10-28T01:19:00.000-04:00

Fuck you. Remember 11 months ago when you promised you were gonna be awesome? Yea, you're a liar. I can't wait to be done with you. Goodnight.

Hate,

Tyler Boeyink

2011-10-26T01:10:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I really like to come home after drinking (yea I know its only a Tuesday) and say everything that's on my mind and heart. Mostly because when I lose my inhibitions I like to get as raw and and personal and truthful as I can. Maybe its the only time when I'm really, honestly truthful to myself and/or to others. I dunno but either way, here I am, 11:20 pm on a school night feeling like I need to spill some guts.
My great Aunt Lynn died after a lengthy struggle with cancer yesterday, and I don't know how to feel about it at all. Mostly I don't want to feel anything, as is the reason behind the gin bender that led me here in the first place. I can't say that I was close to Lynn per se, mainly because 5 hours of Iowa farm land is more like an entire continent away, but I know that Lynn and RG have always been cherished and dear family members to me, despite the rare and few and far between occasions we've gotten to celebrate each others company. Despite the physical proximity, the memories I do share with her and her family will be pressed tightly to my chest for the next great amount of time, as I begin to take steps towards figuring out how to cope with such a loss.

Sometimes, despite all the words that seem to come out of my mouth at almost every second of every day to anyone that is around to listen, the ability to articulate myself is lost when I need to be at my most poignant. I have typed, deleted, retyped and re-deleted a million words to express what I'm feeling right now, but they are mere pixels on a web page when compared to the thoughts and emotions that have been weighing on my soul in the last 24 hours.
Death is something that we all experience. Not only at the end of our own timelines, but with timelines that have intertwined with our own. I can't claim to have any kind of insight towards it, I don't. My words fall inadequately short. I just know that it brings about this introspection inside myself that no other event can, leaving me unsettled and grasping for ephemeral answers that disappear like smoke in the wind.

2011-10-12T12:08:00.000-04:00

CLOSE YOUR EYES - THE BULLITTS starring JAY ELECTRONICA & LUCY LIU from THE BULLITTS on Vimeo.

Have you ever had that feeling like you been falling for weeks in a well?
I was on the verge of dying like E.T. in the bald spot in the forest
right next to the speak and spell
Tryna phone home but the signal wouldn’t reach the cell
Tryna hold on a little longer teeth and nail
without a hand to wipe the tears away from my cheek when they fell.
When I couldn’t get peace from a pipe or chiefing an L,
I thought of the words of pastor Dunn when he said;
“Son, at first they screamed hosanna on the highest then turned around and crucified the christ after a week in jail”

Stick to the script
like paper clips and coffee stains.
Never let a seed of doubt deter you from your lofty aims,
The will is much stronger than the flesh,
And it only grows stronger when you’re going through duress.
Imagination is the factory that makes legends.
Close Your Eyes and dream B.I.G like Faith Evans.

Damn Hippies

2011-10-10T18:50:00.002-04:00

2011-09-12T13:31:00.001-04:00

I know its 10 years too late, and I know it hardly matters anymore, and I know conspiracy theories and theorists pretty much all sound like wack jobs, and I'm pretty sure there will never been any real "truth" to be gleamed from the countless investigations and analyses going on. But seriously though, with all theories and wild speculations to the side, from a completely unbiased and neutral spectator with no motives or preconceived notions, from someone who desperately seeks what is "real", didn't those towers fall just a bit peculiar to anyone else? I'm just saying.

Edit: Since the 10 year anniversary on Sunday, for whatever reason my mind has not stopped thinking about the tragedy. I'm losing sleep, I'm obsessing over it during my daily routine, its just constantly in my headc. I'm not saying George Bush did it, I'm not even saying Osama Bin Laden didn't do it. I'm not saying shit, cus I don't know shit. But seriously, the evidence, wherever it points to, is right there on the fucking screen, no matter how tragic, appalling, or damning, it is silly to look past the obvious.

Mr. Rager

2011-09-08T11:10:00.001-04:00

Its been a really long time since I've come even close to appreciating anything Cudi has done. However this song is still pleasure to my ears, and the video is pretty neato as well.

Coooooooooooool

2011-09-07T19:00:00.000-04:00

Another reminder: go out and live life.

2011-09-05T00:45:00.001-04:00

No specific reason for either of these videos other then the fact that watching/listening to them makes my soul and my guts feel good. Also it just goes without saying what I wouldn't do to have those beautiful balls of eye staring straight back into mine.

Edit: Well darnit, now I've gone and spent the last 2 hours of my life watching Lykke Li videos online. Yummy.

2011-08-15T19:47:00.000-04:00

I stay ridin' dirty.

Sophisticated Ignorance

2011-08-15T19:14:00.001-04:00

I don't care. This is already one of my favorite hip hop videos ever. I've watched it like 4 times a day since it came out. Making it just one more reason why I wish I had more slow motion and explosions in my everyday life.

2011-08-12T00:04:00.000-04:00

I have always been a pretty big fan of my taste in music. (Duh) But ever since I realized that my musical interests were usually superior to others I also realized that I could get a double dose of pleasure from making mixtapes and ipod playlists for my friends, family and coworkers. On the one hand its a way for me to express myself as a person through songs that mean something to me on a personal/emotional level. On the other hand it's also just a way for me to push my likes and interests onto other people in the guise of doing them a favor, when in fact the pleasure is all mine.
With that being said, I recently purchased a sizable amount of blank discs in the hopes that I could get back into the mixtape game. So anyone that would like a personalized, decorated disc of guaranteed good music, hit me up with a legitimate shipping address and personal musical preferences and I will bless your mailbox with some audio fire within a week or so. The best part of this deal is that 1. It is free for you. 2. It will make you happy. 3. It will make me happy. and 4. It will give you a small piece of me to carry around with you anytime you need a small dose.

I'm too busy living to worry about anything else. I told myself when I was little, I don't wanna grow up when I grow up... so far, so good.

2011-08-08T18:40:00.000-04:00

Live Now Forever

Alien Cheese

2011-08-04T16:19:00.002-04:00

I've always been a sucker for rappers going in on "hipster" tunes. Here's a few slices of yummy for your ear pieces. Enjoy the rest of your summer suckas.

<p>&amp;lt;a href="http://aleoncraft.bandcamp.com/album/craft-singles"&amp;gt;CRAFT SINGLES by Aleon Craft&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;</p>

It Doesn't Snow Where You're Going part II

2011-07-31T15:10:00.001-04:00

When your entire body is covered from head to toe with poison ivy, bug bites and sunburn, you don't really know whether to laugh or cry. Laughing causes you to realize just how itchy the back side of your knee is. Crying causes the same. So does doing pretty much anything else. Hell, doing nothing is even worse.
When I had chicken pox as a child, all my friends and relatives would joke about how you could connect them and make pictures. The connection of all the current dots on my body would change my skin color to African-American, depending on the hue of ink chosen of course. I'm talking bug bites from head to toe, and every crevice, cleavage and cock in between. What I'm trying to say is that I'm really fucking itchy.
Working on a Christmas tree farm in the middle of the summer, you learn to tolerate that which is intolerable. Spiders the size of house pets are a normal appearance. When they start taking down cows in the pasture nearby is when you should finally begin to worry and if you haven't seen your shearing buddy in more then a half hour it is more logical to assume that arachnids got him then any alternative. If by some lapse of sanity you are so inclined as to go it alone in the west field for more then 20 seconds, you're survival without a shotgun is about as possible as survival in the west field without a shotgun for 20 seconds. That may seem a little bit redundant, but there is nothing less survivable on this planet then 20 seconds in the west field without a shotgun. So any other comparison would fall short. Just don't try it. But, if by some divine miracle you haven't succumbed to the creepy crawlies and unmentionables, you still must surpass the poison ivy in the second level of Hell that is Dante's tree farm.
If you haven't seen Little Shop of Horrors, then it would be difficult to visualize what the poison ivy looks like out on the tree farm. But for those who haven't, imagine the eyeless head of a Tyrannosaurus Rex attached to a plant stem and roots, with an infinite amount of poisonous tentacle vine arms protruding that can wrap around your throat with effortless power. Then imagine hundreds of them. Then imagine avoiding these abominations from a) eating you b) strangling you c) dismantling you or at the very least d) making contact with your skin. Option D doesn't sound so bad at first, but after 2 weeks of bubbling, oozing, pussing, and constantly itchy poison ivy rashes, you will eventually realize it is the equivalent of all of the above. Except slower. And itchier. So much itchier.
Hypothetically speaking bugs, spiders and poison ivy are survivable if you keep your head on straight, and adhere to Columbus' survival rules of Zombieland. (Look it up.) But the grand satanic wizard of them all is solar in nature. If your job requires you to work outside, it is your greatest enemy. Great in skill and size alike. It is known to scientists as G2V, the Mayans as a god, and myself as a fucking huge fucking hot fucking ball of fucking shit whose sole intention is to make my life miserable while attempting to destroy me at the same time. Yes, the sun.
Due to the dangerous nature of the aforementioned threats, anything less then a bombproof suit would be recommended for tree farm attire. However when daytime temperatures flirt with NBA score totals, it is unwise to cover yourself with Kevlar from head to foot. The common tree farm attendant can usually be seen wearing a long sleeve shirt, pants and work boots. Which seems harmless at first glance, until you realize that triple digit temperatures aren't even comfortable in your birthday suit, let alone when every square inch of your body is clothed to avoid rabid bugs and poison ivy monsters.
It would be inaccurate to say your clothes are saturated with sweat. It would be more accurate to say your sweat is wearing clothes. If Arizona firefighters were equipped with sweat instead of water they still wouldn't be able to soak a tree farm worker as much as a few minutes shearing does. In fact, I would be willing to argue that one day's worth of tree farm sweat would be enough to put out the worst of wildfires in the Southwestern region of the United States.
In order to best describe how hot it really is outside, one would need to somehow combine a sauna, hot tub, and steam room all into one, put that contraption inside a giant furnace, which is located inside an active volcano in the center of the earth's core. Even then it barely skims the surface of what kind of heat we're talking about here. It's fucking hot.
Needless to say, it takes a certain amount of, for lack of better words, balls, to survive in the wilderness that is Vander Streek Acres. If your dangly parts are not of requisite size, you can forget it. If the bulge in your pants is not noticeable from at least 50 yards, you will not meet the recommended requirements for tree farm sack measurements. One might think it cruel to discriminate based on genitalia size, but it is purely for the safety of civilization that this guideline is heavily enforced. Simply put, if you're not packing at least a .357 in your pants and holster, you do not have what it takes to succeed in this jungle. I mean even Mowgli and Tarzan are prohibited.
So next time you see a tree farm soldier, sweating from head to foot, covered in blood, of his own and of creatures unknown, thank him for making your Christmas tree pretty enough to be displayed for 3 weeks in the safety and comfort of your own home.
War is Hell.

Maybe there is no Eden

2011-07-09T03:49:00.001-04:00

To those of you who follow this blog, from any distance, I feel I must always apologize whenever I have a month or longer hiatus, even though it is my own blog, for my own fulfillment/self masturbatory reasons, filled with my own thoughts and musings on life/music/cinema/bullshit/whatever. That being said, for those of you who enjoy this website for my musical tastes, here is a little some' some' from a Swedish duo my boy put me onto a few months ago. (there was supposed to be an embedded link to his blog website in there but apparently it has ninja vanished into thin air for the time being.) Outside of it being my new favorite song, the video is very intriguing/eccentric/beautiful in its own right.

For those of you who stumble into this little nook of the internet universe for my own personal lyrical prowess, stay tuned, for I have recently been so lucky as to stumble upon a muse or two, that have stimulated the flow of creative juices so to speak. Writings are on the way.

2011-05-27T17:13:00.000-04:00

I know this blog has pretty much been dominated by cool music videos as of late, but there probably won't be much of a change for awhile. I don't write much, and I'm so deep in new music it would take forever to figure out where to even start to talk about it.

That being said, here's an amazing video by a band I've never heard of, for a song that isn't really important either. The video immediately brought me back to elementary school and the insane amount of guns I used to play. Enjoy.

LIFE.

2011-05-12T11:52:00.000-04:00

This is a picture I reblogged from one of two of my favorite sister's blogs. It's entirely dedicated to posting photos, quotes, snippets, etc. of inspirational or heart-warming somethings for others to enjoy. This particular little number is somewhat indicative of the existential crisis I've been encountering as of the last few years. Sometimes a person can get so stuck in a rut that they don't even realize it is their own life that is going by. Something that isn't going to come back. It is absolutely easier said then done, but when it comes down to it, it's your life, and it needs to be lived how you want to live it. Shared with who you want to share it with. And enjoyed how you want to enjoy it.
With all that being said, after I cap off this ten minute little poopy, I'm heading outside to kick the soccer ball around with my pup. Hope to share some life with you chumps in the near future.

Screaming

2011-04-29T12:19:00.000-04:00

Yea so what if I've heard of this band for years and didn't take the time to listen to them until today. I thought their name sounded to much like My Bloody Valentine, which sounds too much like Bullet For My Valentine, which is a stupid name and horrible band. That being said this song and video rule. What pushed me over the edge with this song though was a pretty ill session in the Black Cab. Unfortunately they won't allow me to embed it so just follow this portal to some techno folky goodness.

Dear Life,

2011-04-22T04:46:00.000-04:00

I just spent a solid drunk half hour going through old photos of you with you the most adorable little Philadelphian grade schoolers a photographic lens could possibly capture. You are currently sitting around your mother's basement doing fuck-all, more then likely complaining about what life has offered you. Grow the fuck up and get back into the world and make a god damned difference.

Love,

Your future, soon to be sober, disappointed self,
Tyler

High Hopes

2011-04-13T12:33:00.000-04:00

Try not to shake your booty.

Get Fresh

2011-04-10T14:24:00.000-04:00

Mind Playing Tricks on Me

2011-04-08T13:15:00.001-04:00

Often times during the day, I have paranoid Truman Show-like moments where I think I'm a character in a television show that every human in the world watches. What's worse is that every other human in the world also has mental telepathy, and can read my every deep, dark, and dirty thought as they manifest themselves in my brain. Fortunately for me they can only read my mind while I am in their presence, but still, not ideal when the usual thoughts going through my head are either boob, or zombie killing related. Oftentimes both at the same time.
When these revelations occur during a conversation or in groups of people, I try to throw them off track by thinking of absurd, comical situations, or attempt communication, in an effort to elicit some kind of indication that they have been listening to my thoughts the whole time. So far communication between minds have only been one-way, and the only indications of mind eavesdropping by outside parties are more then likely coincidental.
While I am too educated to actually think that the world revolves around a television program completely based on my life and daily doings, I would greatly appreciate it if at some point in the near future anyone tuning into my mental frequency would at least give me a subtle telepathic reminder that I've been staring at their chest for far too long, or that the guy making weird noises across the room is in fact not a zombie to be killed with whatever impromptu melee weapon I can get my hands on.

Diversity fact of the day:

2011-04-05T19:52:00.000-04:00

Powder cocaine (largely consumed by wealthier citizens) and crack cocaine (largely consumed by lower class citizens) contain roughly the same amount of cocaine per gram. If convicted of possession, it takes 5 grams of crack cocaine to receive a minimum five year sentence, whereas it takes 500 grams of powder cocaine to get the same sentence.

The more you know.

2011-04-01T10:47:00.002-04:00

I did.

Baby Talk

2011-04-01T10:39:00.000-04:00

Why does this look and sound exactly like the national discourse of this same subject?

Stop Ahead

2011-03-10T11:45:00.003-05:00

“Well, they can’t be much louder then any other severed body part,” one might chance, “or any inanimate object for that matter.” Wrong.

“They certainly couldn’t be any louder then a head still attached to a body.” Wrong.

“They absolutely couldn’t be louder then a head still attached to an living body.” Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

While I couldn’t tell you the exact reading a severed head might clock on a Scosche Spl 1000f 135 DB Max spl decibel reader, I would be willing to say that they usually range somewhere between a howling fire truck and a construction crew pounding concrete right outside your bedroom window at 7 in the morning after you spent the previous evening pounding tall boy cans of PBR. They are quite the noisy little things, for how small they are compared to said fire engines and jackhammers. Especially when compared to said fire engines and jackhammers. In fact, I might be exposing my hand too early here in saying, don’t bank on the fact that these noise makers are going to be able to mask the sound a severed head makes when placed under your bed for more then a day or two. There is just no competition. They are the USA Olympic basketball team of making noise. The 1992 Barcelona Olympic Dream Team obviously, as none of the ensuing “Dream Teams” were really worth that much of a damn.

Although I must say, severed heads aside, Christian Laettner should have never even been considered for a spot on that roster. His decibel levels range somewhere between me taking a shit after pounding PBR tall boys all night and me throwing up at the thought of Christian Laettner being considered for a spot on the 1992 USA Olympic Dream Team. Disgusting really.

I would never be so boastful as to claim expertise in the severed head decibel level field of study, but I would like to think that after babysitting a few boisterous craniums here and there, I might be the leading researcher amongst my colleagues in this field. You must understand, for obvious reasons, there have not been many published articles or scholarly reports written on the subject, but of the associates I have compared notes with, we have generally concluded, scientifically speaking of course, that severed heads are loud as fuck.

2011-03-08T10:10:00.000-05:00

One day it'll all make sense.

Mike Rock

2011-02-27T06:03:00.000-05:00

Because sometimes the past is too good to not look back on.

A Meaning of Life

2011-02-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

Sometimes there are things running through your head that you just can't get out in words, or express them the way you want. Sometimes other people have those same things swirling around in their thought cages and are more capable of making those thoughts tangible. Luckily for me that other person happens to be a friend of mine and also happens to write a blog that I happen to enjoy reading. Here is one of such blogs about topics I think about ceaselessly. Bryan, thanks for having the skill to put thoughts to words.

I am human. I am the result of a series of accidents. My very existence is purely coincidental. I was born out of chaos and unto chaos in the form of my body. It has arms, legs, a mouth, a nose, toenails and a clavicle, among other things. Most importantly, my body has a brain. My brain controls my body--everything from my eyelids to my liver. Interestingly, my brain controls my liver without having the slightest idea of how a liver works at the conscious level. My brain controls all kinds of things I don't understand, yet controls them with perfection. Without my brain, I would cease to exist. My body would remain, but an immaterial part of me would vanish. You see, I am my body, but much more.

I am human. I was born out of chaos and unto chaos, a human body paired with a human soul. By pure coincidence, I appeared in this universe, on this planet with billions of others like me. By pure coincidence, I appeared on a certain part of this huge earth, in this vast universe, amongst a handful of other humans who look and think and feel and exist very much like I do. They make the world a less lonely place.

I am Bryan. I am identified by my human body paired with my human soul--without both, I am no longer Bryan. I was born out of chaos and unto chaos. By pure coincidence, I appeared in this universe, on this planet with billions of other humans who look and think and feel and exist very much like I do. By pure coincidence, I appeared on a certain part of this huge Earth, in this vast universe, amongst a handful of family and friends. I am thankful for them, because they make the world a less lonely place. There many things that I do not know. I do not know where the universe came from, I do not know if the soul dies, and I do not know how my liver works.

All I know is that I am alive now, I have been alive for nearly 21 years, and in all likelihood I have less than 100 years left in this life as I know it. I know that I love the people around me more than anything else in this short life I have. This is as close to truth as I can get, and I can make some inferences based on these truths:

Our ultimate human drive must be to find love, and I don't quite mean it in the sense that society has developed it to mean. Love is a connection, a bond, a sense that you are not and won't be alone in this world. Love is not a sexual or physical feeling (lust) and therefore makes no distinction between gender. A man can love his best friend, his wife, his kids, or his partner. Sexual attraction and sex itself are physical manifestations of the emotion of love, but do not constitute love itself. Sex can be had in the absence of love. The ultimate drive to find love is driven by the avoidance of our greatest fear--the opposite of love--loneliness. Love is not one-sided, it is reciprocal. One-sided love is not love, but lust or desire mired in loneliness. The search for love is not the search for someone to love, but for someone to love you back.

As for where we came from and where we're going? It is enough for me to accept that speculating will never lead me any closer to the real truth. The truth will be only be revealed when the time comes. Until then, I want to be sure that I am doing my best to spread the love. The universe is like my liver, I don't know or much care to know why it's there or how it works, just as long as it does its job and gives me my fair opportunity to live and love.

2011-02-16T00:41:00.002-05:00

Not really a F&TM fan per se, but this video is pretty rad.

Top Chef

2011-02-12T14:20:00.001-05:00

Name a song that Raekwon has put out or been featured on in the last 3 years that he hasn't displayed his elite swordsmanship.

Water Wheel

2011-02-05T13:50:00.002-05:00

Some dark visuals from RJD2's alter ego The Insane Warrior. I'll never stop being a fan of this guy, regardless of his name.

Prestigous

2011-02-04T20:05:00.000-05:00

Money Making Jam Boys - The Prestige

2011-02-04T15:41:00.002-05:00

Droppin bombs on em.

Eyes on the prize

2011-01-28T14:25:00.002-05:00

"Most people live by the philosophy everybody is doing it, so it must be alright. This is exactly what we have done, so often, we have ended up feeling that the only thing right is to get by. The only thing wrong is to fall."

In case you blockheads haven't noticed January 2011 has slipped from our fingers into oblivion. Have you done anything productive or worthwhile in the new year? Are you keeping true to your resolutions? Here at base camp we've come up with a new slogan for 2k11 and the rest of our days. "You only live once." Because really, you only live once. Every second that passes is a second closer to death and further away from doing the things you've dreamed of and set your goals for. Every minute that goes by is a minute not spent doing what you love. Every hour wasted is 60 minutes of not doing what you love and 360 seconds of not fulfilling dreams and goals.
Are you tired of drooling every time pretty ladies float by in tight jogging pants watching their booty bounce all over the sidewalk? Jog up to them next time and say hi. What's the worst that could happen? You only live once. We here at Change Order are sick of the status quo and sick of just getting by. Its time to do something about it. Just remember, when times get tough, or you feel yourself starting to get lazy, you only live once. Is this the way you want to spend your life? Is this the way you want to be remembered? We're all in this thing together. And I'd rather get it in for the win then get by. So let's ride.

Hit play for 2011's gettin' it in anthem.
<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;nbsp;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

Truth

2011-01-27T18:37:00.000-05:00

stolen from sis.

Hometown Hero

2011-01-26T14:39:00.001-05:00

Yourstru.ly Presents: BIG K.R.I.T. & Grillade "Hometown Hero" from Yours Truly on Vimeo.

Nothing much to add, its just some super inspirational ish. Reminds me a lot of driving up 16th street to JFK and onto 76 to get to work. The only good thing about that drive was the flight and the jams. Miss you Philly cats.

The Fall

2011-01-14T14:54:00.001-05:00

The only thing greater then a new Gorillaz album is an even newer Gorillaz album. Thank you 2010 for two of a few of the only things good about last year.

Banana Boat

2011-01-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

To one of my best friends and crime partners, Santiago, keep your head up player. Stay posi in 2011.

2010-12-16T22:48:00.000-05:00

“Your car is Japanese. Your pizza is Italian. Your potato is German. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Brazilian.Your tea is Tamil. Your watch is Swiss. Your fashion is French. Your shirt is Indian. Your shoes are Thai. Your electronics are Chinese. And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant? Pull yourself together.”

Product of Society

2010-12-09T11:16:00.000-05:00

There's something about waking up to single digit temperatures at 4:30 in the morning to serve stingy old people breakfast for 8 hours a day that reminds me of the word grind. Why is winter such a nasty matron for us poor, honest, hard-working Midwestern folk? So far my biggest regret this winter has been shaving my fuzzy man beard when December rolled around, and not having that extra protection from the elements on my smooth as a baby's ass face. Meaning my face is smooth as a baby's ass, not that I have a baby ass face.
The only thing that seems to warm me up, besides starting my car 3 hours ahead of whenever I need to leave, is my favorite Rhymesayer brother from up north, and best rapper alive, P. to the O.S. (Fuck Jay Z) His music is ripe with grind and down to earth problems simpletons like myself relate to on an every day basis.
I know I've posted his videos many times before, but there's something about these songs that somehow seem to light a fire under my ass when all I really want to do is bury myself in a mountain of blankets, drink butterscotch schnapps and hot chocolate and watch Home Alone all day.
Hopefully these ~~songs~~ masterpieces can motivate us to escape the safety of our foxholes we call our beds and face the battles we call our lives. Strength and honor my comrades.

Not so small arms vol. 2

2010-12-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

In that same minute that someone is dying, there are 15 new arms manufactured around the world for sale. There are nearly 640 million small arms in the world today, basically one for every ten people. The total value of the combined sales of arms by the top 100 producing companies in the world is about $236 billion per year, or roughly equal to the combined national output of the 61 lowest income countries in the world. Of the top 100 arms-producing companies, 38 of them are based in the United States. Do the math. THe only people winning armed struggles are the arms manufacturers themselves. Stop the violence.

Not so small arms

2010-12-03T11:09:00.000-05:00

Each year an estimated 500,000 people will die world-wide from small arms. About 300,000 of them from wars, coup d'etats, and other armed conflicts. Another 200,000 will die in homicides, suicides, unintentional shootings and shootings by police. If you do the math it means that every single minute that passes, someone will die as a result of a firearm.

Human Let Down Epidemic Reaching Global Proportions

2010-12-02T11:38:00.001-05:00

Local area man, Tyler Boeyink, is quickly becoming disillusioned with the rampant epidemic of blow offs in his social network. "In the last month or two I would say I have either been stood up, or completely blown off at least a dozen times or so." He would comment. Let the record show, however, that being stood up or completely blown off are exactly the same thing.
His concerns for the reliability of humanity grow as friends and potential dates seem to "have it out for him." With friends and family members moving on to other parts of the country to pursue careers and secondary education, times are looking tough for Boeyink. "Its getting to the point where I can't even make an arrangement to hang out casually with a friend without doubting that person will even show up. I understand that sometimes things happen, and you have to cancel, but at least have the decency to give a heads up in some form. I'm really debating if I should start collecting a deposit or some type of collateral so if my feelings get hurt at least I have something in the way of money or cool toys to show for it."
With doubts on the rise, it is hard to say what impact this will have on Boeyink's willingness to make arrangements in the future. "His confidence is shattered and his self respect is at an all time low," added one of his friends. "it's hard to see this happen to the same person over and over again."
We here at Change Order wish you luck Mr. Boeyink, in your frugal attempt to maintain old relationships, and establish new ones. Don't let these economic and social hard times get to you. In the wise words of an honest hard working man, "ya gotta just keep on keepin' on."

Hocus Focus

2010-12-01T01:21:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things get lost between the shuffle of downloading hundreds of songs, killing zombies, fighting online terrorists, rolling rocks all night at the local Excite-A-Bowl or endlessly sinking lower into a bottomless leather couch during a 4 hour marathon of I can't remember what. Sometimes those are important things. Even more important then downloading hundreds of songs even. Sometimes I really need to get my priorities straight and put my life on tra..... (Team Deathmatch)

Recliner Flow

2010-11-11T16:43:00.001-05:00

I move the crowd with no more then a mic and a hand motion,
stand motionless, one raised hand, not open.
Glance around and see this man posin'
both clock hands frozen,
I am that moment.
When I'm through the mic's so hot, you can't put your hands on it.
Catch a tan on it. Hiroshima, I go Japan on it.
Rhyme style so solid you could probably stand on it.
I take you through the basics, then expand on it.
Build my brand on it.
Drop rhymes so heavy like a gland problem.
It's been awhile but its kinda like riding a bike,
drop rhymes like flash backs of when the rhyming was tight.
Walk through the darkness I'm shining so bright
battled a whole lotta rappers but not a tight rhymer in sight.
And when the timing is right, and I'm inspired to write,
I spend time with it like my child or wife.
The flow's got me so hype, that when I recite,
I leave the competition lookin' like it got in a fight.
So allow me a little time to fiddle with little rhymes,
then my riddlin' Ritalin
gives relief for you simpletons'
troubled and broken minds.
What I'm speaking is undefined
undiscovered and undermined,
like finding a treasure hidden in every line.
Im bordering on divine, you rappers should all resign,
Or watch as I take what’s mine, while spittin unkind and malign.
I get on the beat and recline, and kick my feet up,
I give you line after line just call me re-up.
Your trippin on the mic, go hang your cleats up.
Great white hype on the mic, rappers I beat up.
Done.

Lemonade out of Clemonton

2010-10-18T17:14:00.000-04:00

The last day working at Salvation Army the whole camp went to the single worst amusement park I have ever witnessed. The kids didn't know the difference though, and we still managed to have the funnest day of the summer. God I miss these kids so much. I need a job.

More Missed Faces

2010-10-18T16:55:00.000-04:00

This is a series of pictures I took on the second to last day working at the Salvation Army summer camp this summer. We took the 1st and 2nd graders to the local park for some much needed playtime. Enjoy.

illies

2010-10-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

Those of you who had to stomach my complainings during my tenure in Philadelphia know that I never stop talking about how awesome the state of Iowa is, and how much I missed all my friends and family there. What I did little of, was talk about how much I loved Philly, and everyone that I met, and became close with, or in some instances become closer with. Despite the lack of lip service, I will always look back at Philly fondly, and miss the hell out of everyone there. Here's to you all. Including those of you I don't have pictures with. <3

All Apologies

2010-10-07T15:03:00.002-04:00

for the lack of posting going on in the last month, and probably for the next few. Now that I'm back home there is too much awesome stuff going on at every hour in the day not to enjoy it. No sense wasting it inside typing half assed musings and uninspired attempts at literature. Maybe with enough will power, and outside influence I might post some pictures of my last few weeks in Philly. Or maybe I'll go play disc golf, NBA2k11, and Halo Reach for the rest of the year. Its a coin toss really. Reporting live from the motherland, adieu for now friends.

2010-09-29T00:57:00.001-04:00

Outchea.

Dealin'

2010-09-23T17:51:00.000-04:00

I got one foot in the grave one foot in the gutter
One foot on the camera lens one foot on the shutter
I'm trying to stop time so I can breathe, man I'm grindin
Play record low pause fast forward rewindin
The truth is the light, but absolutely blindin
And n***** feel the pain on they brain when you remind them.

-Jay Electronica

Every time I listen to ~~Jay Electronica~~ ~~Jay ElecHannukah~~ ~~Jay ElecYarmulke~~ Jay ElecRamadaan Muhammad Asalaamica RasoulAllah Supana Watallah I hear new lyrics that are not only mind blowing but relevant and forward thinking. I'm gonna make an honest effort to post them whenever a new one hits me in the face. If every person, let alone rapper had the mindset that his rhymes represent, this world would be a lot better place.

A fellow chucker eh?

2010-09-21T11:38:00.002-04:00

I present to you, the Four Eyed Black Belt. Criminal assassin and master of nunchucking arts. Member of the super crime fighting squad Slay Anything. Counterpart to The Pure Supersonic Barbarian. Make yours here.

Slay Anything, I always rep the committee.
You can find me and Lando floatin' in Cloud City.

Smash

2010-09-20T11:33:00.001-04:00

Gone Superfast Jellyfishin'

2010-09-08T16:40:00.004-04:00

Shortly after posting that last one about needing to save money, I come across this, and find out the Chicago stop on the Gorillaz Escape to Plastic Beach Tour has tickets left. We only live once right? All I wanna know is, who's coming with me? (In my best Jim Breur voice)

something to hold on to

2010-09-07T22:18:00.004-04:00

According to my Wells Fargo online bank statement I have made exactly nine dollars and eighty two cents more then I have spent in the last three months of living, surviving, grinding, eking out an existence. With the last 3 weeks of working 25/7 I'm hoping I'll have a tiny little next egg to send me home to the midwest without any issues and still be able to enjoy the last couple weeks of east coast living. I'll miss the shit out of the people and places I've grown to love, but god damn it I'm looking forward to the green grass and fresh air of my beloved heaven in the corn field.

EDIT:

Also, I hope to god that I can be back before October 2 so I can tail gate the Penn State game. I just wanna tail gate in proper fashion in general. Even if we play the little giants.

EDIT: Scratch that. Have a wedding that day. Guess I'll be game casting that one.

Shutterbugg

2010-09-07T02:54:00.001-04:00

If you haven't listened to this album at least a dozen times yet then you are lost in the void for good.

2010-09-07T01:28:00.002-04:00

Get Ready Its a New Day

2010-09-02T23:15:00.002-04:00

Mr. Roth, thank you for putting into video form how I have been feeling for the last year of my life. Cheers to no grinding. Mattie, this one's for you.

Dissertation Raps

2010-08-29T20:11:00.001-04:00

Allow me to drop my thesis.
I spit that shat on my rap,
while I talk that feces to polices.
Screamin fuck the beastes
while I'm reciting all my speeches.
Watch what he unleashes to these leeches.
I spit a little teachin to the preachers
while im preachin to the teachers.
My raps are reaches to the peoples
beggin for increases in the peaces.
I just wanna clean up all the beaches,
cure all the diseases,
and make the world better for my nephews and my nieces.
So excuse me if this displeases,
but the world's so sick,
and I'm just trying to cure the sneezes,
while I eat a little Reece's,
cop some new releases,
and put a little in the air
with the Chongs and the Cheeches.
So until that day that I'm walking with prostheses
also the same day that hell over freezes,
I'ma keep moving mountains like I got telekinesis.

2010-08-22T02:16:00.000-04:00

"And it's a beautiful thing/to my people who keep an impressive wingspan/even when the cubicle shrink."

Oldie but goodie.

Best

2010-08-16T22:32:00.001-04:00

Stop Ahead

2010-08-16T01:45:00.002-04:00

One might never guess how loud severed heads can really get. I mean seriously, if I were to ask a stray passerby at what decibel level they think a severed head could peak, they would surely be wrong.
“Well, they can’t be much louder then any other severed body part,” one might chance, “or any inanimate object for that matter.” Wrong.
“They certainly couldn’t be any louder then a head still attached to a body.” Wrong.
“They absolutely couldn’t be louder then a head still attached to an animated, living body.” Wrong.
While I couldn’t tell you the exact reading a severed head might clock on a Scosche Spl 1000f 135 DB Max spl decibel reader, I would be willing to say that they usually range somewhere between a howling fire truck and a construction crew pounding concrete right outside your bedroom window at 7 in the morning after you spent the previous evening pounding Midwestern brewed tall boy cans. They are quite the noisy little things, for how small they are compared to said fire engines and jackhammers. Especially when compared to said fire engines and jackhammers. In fact, I might be exposing my hand too early here in saying, don’t bank on the fact that these noise makers are going to be able to mask the sound a severed head makes when placed under your bed for more then a day or two. There is just no competition. They are the USA Olympic basketball team of making noise. The ’92 Barcelona Olympic Dream Team obviously, not any of its later ancestor squads.
Although I must say, Christian Laettner should have never even been considered for a spot on that roster. His decibel levels range somewhere between me taking a shit after pounding Midwestern brewed tall boys all night and me throwing up at the thought of Christian Laettner being considered for a spot on the 1992 USA Olympic basketball team. Disgusting really.
I would never be so boastful as to claim expertise in the severed head decibel level field of study, but I would like to think that after babysitting a few here and there, I might be the leading researcher amongst the colleagues in my field. You must understand, for obvious reasons, there have not been many published articles or scholarly journals written on the subject, but of the associates I have compared notes with, we have generally concluded, scientifically speaking of course, that severed heads are loud as fuck.

Best

2010-08-15T04:46:00.001-04:00

Cardiac Kids

2010-08-11T14:35:00.002-04:00

USA Today poll has Iowa football ranked #10. ESPN.com gave us the #9 spot. Sports Illustrated #6. Regardless, this season is gonna be awesome. No more heart attacks please.

every day

2010-08-11T13:16:00.002-04:00

Matter Over Mind

2010-08-07T22:15:00.003-04:00

I've only featured one other blog on my page, mostly because I would like to say that I did my thing without the help of others. An Illmatic of blogs so to speak, no guest appearances. But I'm gonna have to break the cycle one more time for my friend Sam's blog Two-12. His writing style reminds me of my own quite a bit, especially when I was his age. So without his knowledge, or permission, I will be posting his latest. Apologies for the lack of paragraphs. Enjoy.

Matter Over Mind by Sam McGuffin

The oven is on. It’s been on and still is on and has been on since yesterday morning when you made your eggs over easy because you like them better that way. The oven is on and it is making your gas bill higher and your expenses rise and it is taking money from your bank. Gradually. Every second you spend sitting in your car letting the air conditioning fume out of the vents and hit the cool beads of sweat gathering right above your upper lip causes the gasoline in your tank to decrease just slightly enough that you ponder if it is better to put the windows down even though it is summertime. But you don’t dwell on it. There is a truck next to your car and it is towering above your car. It has giant tires and wheels that sparkle in the sunshine and you get a good hard look at them because it is rush hour traffic and you might as well open your car door and get out and lick them. You question why they shine so much because it just rained yesterday and in order for them to shine the man next to you must have cleaned his car during the workday. A car honks its horn behind you and you realize the car in front of you moved approximately thirteen feet and seven inches while you were thinking about the truck’s wheels. You tap the gas slightly and roll forward the exact thirteen feet and seven inches to appease the God’s of the compact and packed freeway that isn’t exactly free. It’s free to ride on but yet you still have to pay gas to ride in your car and those gas prices have been rising lately. But it isn’t free because you are prisoned in your Ford and all you have for comfort is the air conditioning that is tickling the prickles of hair on your cheeks. By the time you sweat through your white button up and undo your tie you realize that the oven is still on. And you’re still not home. And it’s been on since yesterday morning when you made your eggs over easy because you like them better that way. And that the gas that is keeping your oven warm and toasty in the summertime is still taking money out of your bank. Gradually. The workday has made you tired and slightly depressed and you don’t want to think about work so you grapple with the knob on the car stereo and twist it with a slight and imaginary flick of the wrist. Bon Jovi yells through your speakers and you really don’t like Bon Jovi. You scream in the glass case of your car to whatever plush arm chair that Bon Jovi is currently sitting on in front of a fire that you are currently not “halfway there” and that you are still quite a long, long ways from home. And that in the past hour you have moved approximately thirteen feet and seven inches and that the temperature outside has moved further than that because it is much hotter than earlier and you know this because you have already rolled down your windows twice to properly examine the wheel’s on the truck that is stationed in limbo next to you. You press the knob in on your radio and decide that is better to sit in silence in your Ford than to listen to Bon Jovi telling you to take his hand. You saw an infomercial on meditation the other day and you remember it through the stench of exhaust as the semi-truck that is three cars ahead of you accelerates slightly to move another twenty-two feet and six inches forward. But then you think of what you just remembered and are slightly upset by the absurdity of the infomercial. Isn’t meditation supposed to be something that is free and for everyone to enjoy and that is supposed to relax you- at least that is what you thought. But some company somewhere is probably making lots of money somewhere for using it is their great new weight-loss campaign. Maybe the executive of that company is sipping on a margarita with Bon Jovi somewhere in the Caribbean right now. For a second you wish you were there too- but then you remember you don’t really like Bon Jovi and that your oven is still on and if you were in the Caribbean it would take you a long time to get home and that may cause problems at the house. You’re not positive the oven is on, but you think it is- you think you’re sure of it because you just have that feeling that you left it on like the ghost hand that turns the radio. Not exactly the same as when a commercial on the radio comes on and the volume is suddenly higher than when a song was on, because that’s just the sound on the commercial. But as if you actually turned the knob when the commercial came on and then suddenly remembered you turned the knob. That kind of feeling. So you are pretty sure the oven is on and you want to be able to get home fast not only to turn it off but more importantly to make sure if you are right and that the oven is actually on. You debate picking up your iPhone and calling your home phone and begging for your cat to pick up as the phone rings and rings and rings. The cat could possibly become so annoyed that it picks up the phone and will understand your command to turn off the oven. But even if that happens, you still wouldn’t know if the cat actually turned off the oven. It could become lazy and decide to take a nap before turning off the oven and when you get home the oven could still be on. Or the oven could be off and the cat may have turned it off and then your cat could be incredibly smart and you would think so at first too but then you would realize there was the option that maybe the oven was never on in the first place and money was not being taken out in incredibly small increments from your bank account in the form of gas.

Take you to the top

2010-08-06T12:02:00.002-04:00

I'm beginning the daunting task of creating my 100 favorite songs, and favorite 100 hip hop songs of all time, with the intentions of posting em on here when its done. So far there are about 700 songs give or take in each list. Somehow those have to be whittled down to a c-note apiece. Cya guys next year maybe.

Angel Watches

2010-07-30T10:31:00.008-04:00

To commemorate the groundbreaking mid 90s anime series Neon Genises Evangelion, G Shock by Casio have released these two beautiful time pieces. The watches were made in the same colorways as the Eva Unit 01 suit, and the shows female protagonist Rei Ayanami's "plug suit." If there was ever a time to show that you really loved me, you would somehow track down these rare beauties, slide them on either wrist, and ask for my hand in marriage.

I'm probably gonna have to download and watch this damn show too now. Wish I wasn't taking so long on finishing up Gundam Wing. Or maybe G Shock should make some Gundam watches too.

Bawse

2010-07-29T01:53:00.003-04:00

Finally a website that counts how many times Rick Ross says "bawse", how many cocaine references he's made, how many cars he's claimed to have driven, plus a lot more. Teflon Don is pretty good in my opinion, so was Deeper Than Rap, but you can't deny that he talks a pretty ridiculous game. It even tallies how many mobster references he makes. Awesome.

Bawseology

Flick, Push

2010-07-26T10:38:00.002-04:00

Jacked this from the Kanye website, but that doesn't make it any less cool right? Combines my desire for skating and love for setting things on fire into a fun little number. Lando, the time to shred is nigh.

2010-07-24T09:46:00.002-04:00

The summer camp that I work for went on a swimming pool outing yesterday and I was fortunate enough to be one of the water chaperons that makes sure none of the kids are fighting or drowning in the pool. It was one of the best experiences I've had in Philadelphia in the year and a half I've been here. I was payed, rather handsomely, to be in a pool with 1st through 6th graders, to make sure they were being safe while having a fun time. Both were executed quite successfully. For about 5 to 6 hours, with one short lunch break in between, I was given the opportunity to throw, wrestle, carry, splash, dunk, spin, flip, chase, escape, and chill with some of the most lovely, endearing, heart breakingly beautiful children in the world. The kind of children who face tougher odds then snow balls in July but somehow muster the courage and strength to be happy and playful almost all of the time.
Since many of the kids have never had the opportunity to take swimming lessons, they all stayed in the shallow end, impressing each other with how long they can keep their heads underwater, and what cool tricks they can do off the side of the pool. But when they have a 25 year old second grader as a chaperon/jungle gym, opportunities for more fun arose. For the most courageous youngsters, I helped them do flips off of my knee. For those who couldn't or didn't want to do flips I would just throw them a few feet to the side, to the point where I had a line of kids waiting their turns to be tossed aside with an assembly line like efficiency. The younger kids that didn't want to be thrown just appreciated being pulled around the pool like two long trains from each of my arms. At one point I had a trail of kids 6 deep on each arm, meandering through the pool like multi cultured water snakes.
While every student seemed to be enjoying themselves on the Mr. Tyler water ride, it became apparent after a rather short amount of time which students were more dependent on adult affection then others. Out of the 20 to 30 kids that would come and go for a toss to the side or a water ride or quick wrestle, there were about 6 or 7 of them that were with me almost the entire day. They all have their own unique, and heart rending stories, but each one of their histories has led them to the same point of needing extra attention from either an adult or male father figure. At one point, while crawling around like alligators in the shallow end with a second grade girl named Aneesah, she stopped me and looked directly into my eyes with her own, beautiful amber eyes and asked "Mr. Tyler, do you know how to stop your heart from hurting when your dad dies?"
There might be people out there that are equipped with the know-how to deal with a situation such as this one. Unfortunately I am not one of those people. My initial reaction was to just start crying for her right there on the spot. With hesitation I asked her how her daddy died, and she said he had a heart attack. What's worse about this situation is that her mother had been murdered about two years ago and she was now living with her grandmother.
I told her I didn't know how to make her heart stop hurting, and that it might hurt for a long time, but she should try and remember all the fun things she did with him while he was here, and in the mean time, we should keep crawling around like alligators and scare people that came after us. Later on in the day she asked me if I would be her daddy, or her uncle, to which I replied, "I can't be your daddy or your uncle, but I can be your Mr. Tyler." She seemed disappointed that I could not fill the void in her heart, but at the same time content that she had a Mr. Tyler to call her own.
The moment came and passed in seconds, and she never broke a stride or a tear throughout the whole day. It just goes to show the absolute resiliency of kids, even when odds are stacked against them. For me it was a lesson in humility, who, a day earlier, had dedicated a whole blog post to how pissed off I was about a few overdraft charges. I believe selfish is the word for that.
Needless to say there will be no more posts on this blog about my minor instances as a human being, because, in the grand scheme of things, even though I like to make myself out to be a martyr that has struggled for his position, I have been relatively lucky with the hand of cards I've been dealt. I will never forget that moment for as long as my memory serves me, nor do I want to. It was a poignant reminder to not take for granted anything, and cherish everything in this beautiful struggle we call life. Thank you Aneesah for teaching me something that 25 years of selfish living could not.

Hells Fargo

2010-07-22T14:16:00.004-04:00

How is it that when you put a check into your bank account it takes about 4 days to process but when you make a purchase with that same bank account a day or two later that shit is on there Immediately? Two overdraft fees just sucked half of my hard earned pay check and it wasn't even technically an overdraft since I had the fucking money.
How is it that life tends to work in the same way? When you take one step forward, it is a long, drawn out process that doesn't even seem that gratifying in the long run, but when you slip up or make a mistake, or something bad happens to you outside of your control it is a swift, ruthless kick to the groin that effects you immediately.
How is it that bad things suck way more then how awesome good things are? For example, let us say that getting a paycheck is worth 140 points in the positive direction. But then, getting an overdraft fee that is worth about half of that paycheck is 140 points in the negative direction. In mathematical jargon the equation would look like this.

1/2 sucky thing > awesome thing
or
-140 > 140

What the hell universe do we live in where negative amounts are greater then positive amounts?

How I got Over

2010-07-20T14:09:00.002-04:00

I still feel like Black Thought is one of the top 5 mc's alive, and even though he is part of the critically acclaimed, Legendary Roots Crew he is still overlooked. Here's the visuals for the first single from their latest album, How I Got Over, another classic in my opinion.

What I've been bumpin lately.

2010-07-17T13:10:00.004-04:00

It's been a warm summer, environmentally as well as musically. Super excited for whats coming out soon, but these have been keeping me company in the meantime.

Curren$y - Pilot Talk

Gorillaz - Plastic Beach

Cults - 7"

Big Boi - Sir Lucious Leftfoot The Son of Chico Dusty

M.I.A. - Maya

Sleigh Bells - Treats

Honorable mentions: Any leak J. Cole has put out in the last year, Chip Tha Ripper - Back to Cleveland (still bumping strong), Jay Electronica (every song), Cool Kids - Tacklebox, Rick Ross - Teflon Don, Wiz Khalifa - Kush and Orange Juice, Talib Kweli and Hi Tek - Revolutions Per Minute, Eminem - Recovery, Childish Gambino - Culdesac

Into the jaws of the lord of death

2010-07-17T03:03:00.004-04:00

Ill shit.

it doesn't snow where you're going

2010-07-16T14:36:00.005-04:00

As I sit at my dust filled computer desk, rolly chair squeaking, fans blazing, heat paralyzing, I realize something's got to give. The laptop screen is burning holes in my face as the sun attempts to do the same on the back of my neck. My dog is panting like he just ran a marathon and my sweat-drenched underwear is attempting to do things only reserved for toilet paper. Cold showers keep the body temperatures just under boiling for about as long as it takes to dry off, and then sweat appears where water once was. With just the thought of exerting even a minuscule amount of energy I get tired. But not the good kind of tired where you fall asleep as soon as your face hits the pillow. No, that doesn't exist in this environment. This is the kind of tired where you lay in bed for hours on end, not trying to move or touch anything for fear you might drown in your own sweat. The other side of the pillow is just as hot as the original, the fans feel like someone is breathing on you after drinking a gallon of hot tea, and you're pretty sure if its not your own sweat you drown in, it will be all the moisture in the air that stops you from breathing. I could practice my cannonballs in mid-air the humidity is so strong.
As much as I wish I could stop complaining, there is an equal amount of nothing I can do about it. Moving to a different room requires too much effort, and even if it didn't it would be the equivalent of jumping from one furnace to another. My fans might as well be keeping hot air balloons afloat, and being naked is as appealing as wearing clothes. It just depends on what I feel like sticking to. Some days I don't even bother wearing deodorant, I know its just gonna end up running down my side, meet the sweat streaks down my spine, and mix in the Mississippi River delta that is my boxer briefs. A quick glance at the forecast only reminds me that I've got another 7 days of this. And that was 14 days ago. The way I feel about Philadelphia right now is probably about the same way sinners feel when they are in hell. I know I chose this path, even deserve it, and I'm sure I can look down the time line of my life and pinpoint a few, or many episodes where punishment was necessary, but this just seems a tad gratuitous. I never thought I would live to see the day where I would trade a pair of shorts and NBA jersey for some snow pants and a winter jacket, but I would willingly give up either for the chance to fall in a winter fishing hole in the wilds of Saskatchewan during a paralyzing snowstorm right now. I'm just sayin.

Puddle Jumpers

2010-07-16T14:33:00.001-04:00

Picking our targets
We hop from one body to the next
Parts exploding under our feet
It fills our shoes with
Pieces of grey matter and guts
Gets in our eyes nose ears mouth
Blood flows freely in the street
And hangs onto our clothes
Until we are saturated with
The remains of what once was
A rainy day
Massacre

Beach Bumming

2010-07-06T12:45:00.004-04:00

A big thank you goes out to the Leahys for allowing me to mooch their food and booze, and fantastic beach spot. I've been a beach bum at heart, but only needed an avenue to express it. A special thank you goes to Eileen Leahy for indulging my love for talking about myself, and motivating me to pick up the pen once again and begin writing for the first time in about 5 years. I can only hope my talents can exceed your expectations. Hopefully see you all again this weekend.

Plastic Beach

2010-07-01T14:58:00.002-04:00

Greatest 15 minutes I have ever spent. Will probably spend at least another 45 on it before the week's end.

peter pan

2010-06-12T18:44:00.000-04:00

"When I grow up, I will never grow up."
- Andrew Lopez

The world is yours

2010-06-12T00:36:00.005-04:00

Every once in awhile an mc will come out that is truly on a different level then other mc's. God status. Since Nas there has been very few, but the new crop is starting to impress me a lot. This dude, Fashawn is definitely climbing ranks like Iowa football, but this Ode to Illmatic mixtape launched him to the top of the underclassmen. In his arena are J. Cole and Jay Electronica though. Real hip hop shit.

Download Chere