Stop Ahead

One might never guess how loud severed heads can really get. I mean seriously, if I were to ask a stray passerby at what decibel level they think a severed head could peak, they would surely be wrong.
“Well, they can’t be much louder then any other severed body part,” one might chance, “or any inanimate object for that matter.” Wrong.
“They certainly couldn’t be any louder then a head still attached to a body.” Wrong.
“They absolutely couldn’t be louder then a head still attached to an animated, living body.” Wrong.
While I couldn’t tell you the exact reading a severed head might clock on a Scosche Spl 1000f 135 DB Max spl decibel reader, I would be willing to say that they usually range somewhere between a howling fire truck and a construction crew pounding concrete right outside your bedroom window at 7 in the morning after you spent the previous evening pounding Midwestern brewed tall boy cans. They are quite the noisy little things, for how small they are compared to said fire engines and jackhammers. Especially when compared to said fire engines and jackhammers. In fact, I might be exposing my hand too early here in saying, don’t bank on the fact that these noise makers are going to be able to mask the sound a severed head makes when placed under your bed for more then a day or two. There is just no competition. They are the USA Olympic basketball team of making noise. The ’92 Barcelona Olympic Dream Team obviously, not any of its later ancestor squads.
Although I must say, Christian Laettner should have never even been considered for a spot on that roster. His decibel levels range somewhere between me taking a shit after pounding Midwestern brewed tall boys all night and me throwing up at the thought of Christian Laettner being considered for a spot on the 1992 USA Olympic basketball team. Disgusting really.
I would never be so boastful as to claim expertise in the severed head decibel level field of study, but I would like to think that after babysitting a few here and there, I might be the leading researcher amongst the colleagues in my field. You must understand, for obvious reasons, there have not been many published articles or scholarly journals written on the subject, but of the associates I have compared notes with, we have generally concluded, scientifically speaking of course, that severed heads are loud as fuck.